Try to understand their point of view. Listen respectfully and don't interrupt when they are speaking. When you're practicing assertiveness, it's important to speak in a way that doesn't imply accusations or make the other person feel guilty. Speaking your truth with candor shouldn't mean making others feel wrong. Be simple, direct, and concise, and state what you know to be true for you.
When asserting yourself, remember, less is more. To be assertive without coming across as hostile, use "I" statements.
Make it a habit to say things like "I think Being assertive might make you feel excited, but excitement can sometimes come across as aggression. Learn to stay cool and calm when expressing yourself; it will make you more confident and allow the other person to relax.
Remember to breathe normally and be mindful of body language and eye contact. Be present with each other.
Boundaries are the rules and limits you create for yourself that help you decide what you will and won't allow. You don't want people to walk all over you, but you don't want people to think you are a bully, either. Assertiveness is like any other skill--it takes practice and time to get it right. Keep working through each of these techniques and soon you will feel more confident. Like this column?
Do you honor or over-ride them? Once you know your comfort zone, you can determine your boundaries.
Editorial Reviews. About the Author. Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, treating individuals and couples for 29 years and coaching. There are several reasons why boundaries don't work. As I wrote in Codependency for Dummies and How to Speak Your Mind — Become Assertive and Set.
Assess your current boundaries in all areas? Think about:. Consider the wise words of Randi Kreger:.
Conviction comes when you know how much it costs not have the limit in place. The longer you wait, the more it costs.
This post was originally published on WhatIsCodependency. Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here. Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week.
Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert author on relationships and codependency. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. First Name Last Name.