Curiously, my symptoms did not recur until I was totally off the hormones, which suggests that far lower doses than are normally prescribed may be symptomatically effective, potentially at less risk. And most of the WHI participants were years past menopause—already having multiple cardiovascular risk factor. Steer clear of synthetic progestins, like Provera or the generic medroxyprogesterone acetate.
Okay, if perimenopause starts in your 40s, as it did in my case, then, you have the next 20 years or so to notice all your symptoms, freak out and try to medicate yourself to prevent the inevitable diseases of old age.
As far as I can tell from my own experience, dealing with menopause is only the first step toward coping with the deterioration and indignities of aging, in your own life as well as in that of your friends. I, for one, believe the doctors, drugmakers and plastic surgeons, for that matter, are selling us a bill of goods, tapping into the fear of death and society-sanctioned self-hatred. No matter how you time it. Many women, such as my grandmothers, have an easy time with menopause. Basically, their periods just stop. However, for some women, my mother included, it involves a little more.
HRT is clearly not for everyone, but it can be a literal life saver for some. I do agree with E. This is just not true. Women should not dread this transition, but simply take it as it comes and seek help if they feel they need it. I lost 2 years of my life to uncontrollable rage and depression. It seemed that everyone and everything existed mostly to get on my last nerve. Switched drs, started on the hormone patch NOT a synthetic estrogen and low-dose antidepressant combo. Within 2 weeks, I was back to my normal self. As others above had said, not woman has debilitating menopausal symptoms.
Why would I need one now? Many of us, especially those of us still enjoying active sex-lives, find it a wonderful remedy. I am perpetually annoyed by the attempts to revive estrogen replacement therapy as a lifelong treatment for women when the clinical evidence is being ignored in favor of this merely suggestive laboratory data.
Why people continue to ignore the WHI and its findings is something that is totally beyond me. And last year, scientists found that estrogen use was leading to more brain decay, thus explaining the cognitive risks seen in the trial. This hard data is being ignored. Supporters of hormone use believe that just starting early enough and continuing for decades will yield multiple benefits with no risks. This is not supported by scientific evidence. You need to show that that actually translates into prevention of heart attacks and dementia in women. Look at all the trouble that such presumptions caused — studies showed that HRT lowered cholesterol and helped clear up brain fog in women with debilitating hot flashes, and doctors ran with it.
If there is something made from plant material, maybe, but nothing that involves keeping horses in inhuman conditions. For those of you who are going through or have completed menopause with minimal or manageable symptoms, congratulations. Consider yourselves lucky. I felt better than I had in years because I had always had severe PMS, which was getting worse as I entered perimenopause.
During one of my breaks last week, I received an email from a colleague. The subject: "Another Know Nothing. I scanned down the page, and just below the header, next to Warden's innocently beaming face, I found his offending remarks: "Some people could make the argument that a lot of people like being in abusive relationships. It's a love-hate relationship. It's very, very common for people to stick around with somebody they love who also abuses him or her.
Warden was attending a state House Criminal Justice and Public Safety Committee meeting on legislation designed to reduce a charge of simple assault from a misdemeanor to a violation. Apparently he'd argued that victims can leave at any time, so more legislation isn't the answer. He's right in one respect: More legislation isn't enough to end domestic violence. It would be easy, then, to dismiss Warden's remarks as those of someone shockingly ill-informed -- the insipid ramblings of an idiot. We could call him vapid or simple-minded or hopelessly out of touch. And doing all that might be gratifying.
But he's hardly an isolated example. In pondering this post, my mind flashed at once to a client I saw decades ago: a tall, brooding woman with firmly-sculpted arms -- the result of years of working out -- whose rolled-up sleeves revealed several fading bruises on her forearms, courtesy of her boyfriend. She was an impressive, thoughtful, strong woman -- not at all the type I expected to be a target of domestic violence.
Yet she'd become trapped in a dangerous relationship, a prisoner of her own hope, waiting for the day the assaults would end. Her friends' words to her? If you don't stay, he can't hurt you. She seemed so powerful that surely she had the strength to leave. The reality is the abused, like my client, aren't always fragile or powerless. My client's friends loved and cared about her, that much was clear. But here they were, guilty of the same thinking as Warden. They couldn't reconcile their vision of her as strong and powerful with her apparent powerlessness to leave.
It doesn't matter whether we're conservatives or liberals, Republicans or Democrats, ignorant or well-informed, we all have an instant negative reaction when we see people return to or stay in abusive relationships. We think it's all so clear, even if we're not guilty, like Warden, of saying it out loud. Just leave! But the truth is that we have yet, as a society, to come to terms with the dynamics of abuse. Here's the reality. In serial images, she captures a relationship as it escalates into violence. The danger grows, subtly, insidiously, through each successive image, but you'll also notice, if you look closely, moments of enormous tenderness and vulnerability between the man and woman.
Those snapshots are poignant reminders of what abuse victims hold onto in staying with their abuser. They don't stay for the pain. Their desperate, often palpable hope, if you sit in the room with them, is that the abuse will go away. And they tend to block out all evidence to the contrary. In point of fact, they stay for love.
Many others suffer from post- traumatic stress syndrome, one symptom of which is dissociation, which often creates such profound detachment from the reality of the abuse that sufferers scarcely remember being hurt at all. Dissociating victims can't leave the abuse because they aren't psychologically present enough to recall the pain of what happened. There are other, well-documented hurdles to victims leaving their abusive partner. For one, the abused are often cut off from friends and financial supports.
One can't escape a dangerous situation if it feels safer to stay. It makes the world simpler, no doubt, for us to indulge this theory. We feel safer. And blaming the victims in this way is a huge part of the problem. It reinforces their shame. Department of Health and Human Services cites, as a barrier to ending domestic violence, the brute fact that "peers, family members, and others in the community e. While Warden's right that legislation alone isn't the answer, reducing consequences to the perpetrator certainly isn't, either.
It wouldn't happen if you didn't stay. It makes the abused want to hide their pain, and when that happens -- when their plight remains invisible -- they have no hope at all of leaving. The reality of abuse is far more complex. Sadly, even the abused can start to believe the explanation. But making Warden a scapegoat for our own ignorance won't change any of this.
Only educating ourselves will. I would like to bring this to the notice of the public about how i met Anz Jackson Financing PLC after i lost my job and being denied loan by my bank and other financial institution due to my credit score. I could not pay my children's fees. I was behind on bills, about to be thrown out of the house due to my inability to pay my rent, It was during this period my kids were taken from me by foster care.
Until i read about: anzjacksonfinancingplc yahoo. Why am i doing this? I am doing this to save as many that are in need of a loan not to be victim of scams on the internet. I have to ask, when the abuse comes in the form of ADHD, which manifests itself in non violent ways: ignoring a person, being highly distracted by everything and anything, cheating online, cutting off sexual contact, griping about everything, nagging, commenting on things like a woman's make-up and weight, even though everyone else thinks she is beautiful and desirable, isn't all this abuse, too?
I feel like I have been pummeled emotionally by the ADHD bf, the weird stuff he says, odd things he does, disappearing for days when we disagree about something. I blame myself for staying, but getting another place to live, economics, etc. Being ADHD and distractable which I am, - not hyperactive, but inattentive when not on medicine - is different than cheating online, griping about everything, nagging, missing for days when there is a conflict, weird stuff he says, etc. That stuff is abusive, and I just experienced that myself for the last year. Which is how I ended up reading this blog.
If you are being pummeled emotionally, which I was Its just aggressive all the way around. People kept telling me they were afraid things would get dangerously worse and they did. I kept taking the other person back because I didnt want him to be homeless. Its not ideal, but if ye seek ye shall find.. Point being, its easier to feed and house just yourself than to provide for an abusive partner. I really had to let go of my wishful thinking and turn the focus onto myself and how to fill my time taking care of myself and looking for opportunties for joy.
In my case, I think mine is a narcissist, and I have landed two of those in a row. Life lesson here I found a great counselor who talks only positive to me about the things I can accomplish and the possibilities. It feels a whole lot better than the opposite. The other person can only change if they really want it. You could be standing still in the mud for long time if you dont walk away. Take courage! Writing this song helped me get through the pain I had experienced and helped me grow positive from the situation. Maybe it will help you come to terms with your own experiences, provide enlightenment, and give you good feelings!
Prove your love and others will eventually love you more purely.. There is someone out there that will. I am aware that her family life had been abusive as a child and that she was used to the abuse. Probably so used to it that she felt uncomfortable without it. This was a burden upon our relationship as I was hoping I could be the one to show her a new light in positivity from the way that I keep myself positive and happy with myself.
It really hurt me for quite awhile that I had to leave her as well as the abuse that she had shown towards me. I am hoping that she can seek a way out of this suppressed anger on her own and find a way to make her self happy on her own. You have to learn to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. Sometimes it is seemingly impossible. I ended up writing this song to relieve the pain I had gone through.
I know there is someone else out there that will accept my love purely. Sometimes you have to walk away even though you love that person with the fullness of your heart and soul. But, you also have to care for yourself. I think a plausible theory as to why people stay in abusive relationships is that it feels "normal" to them. Being emotionally starved feels "familiar", or being jealously controlled and dominated feels "familiar", as in "of the family.
So I guess in psychological terms, its called "repetition compulsion. You have a point, Annie, but I don't think it is always true that people are seeking what is familiar. I myself grew up in a pretty abnormal environment, but by the time I was a teen I realized that things were very wrong. As an adult, I feared and disliked abusive people, and I did my best to keep my distance. I was definitely not looking for what was familiar! Nevertheless, I found myself entangled with manipulative people who looked shiny on the outside but were diseased on the inside.
I don't think I was taken in only because I was guessing at what "normal" was. The sad truth was, I was intimidated by healthy people and their ordinary, happy lives. I could recognize healthy people and longed to have them in my life, but I had no idea how to relate to them and feared their judgments of me. Thus, good people esp.
I am much healthier now. How did I escape the last bad relationship? I learned to keep a carefully concealed record of his bad behaviour and reviewed it until I could believe he was not going to change. I reviewed it till my disgust outweighed my pity. I learned that what mattered about a person wasn't how good he could be, but how bad he could be.
I came to realize that he was no refuge for me and that I was not responsible for his happiness he had none with or without me. I learned to call the feelings I still had for him a "trauma bond" and to rename my compassion "gullibility. I have now left behind that toxic relationship and all the toxic friendships I once had in my life. I am no longer mired in pointless hope, misplaced "love," or a fear of aloneness.
I've realized that my job is to care for myself and for those who are good to me, not to try to save people who are abusing me. I've rediscovered dreams and excitement and new friendships and a renewed sense of purpose, and life at the moment is good. I really never expected that. Annie, thank you so much for your excellent, succinct explanation on why people stay in abusive relationships. My distant father buried himself in his career and was oblivious to what went on under his roof. My mother brainwashed me from my toddler years that I was ugly, selfish, lazy, a failure and that "no man will ever want you.
I never married and had children because I didn't project the kind of positive self-esteem that attracts a decent, stable man. The men whom I did attract were the abusive losers. Thankfully I was able to keep such guys at arm's length and they would quickly lose interest. I didn't even put "two and two" together that I am an adult survivor of child abuse until just recently, after my abuser's mother's death.
Then I finally woke up to the evil dynamics of my dysfunctional family. The upshot is that it's too late in life for me to have children, but not too late to meet a nice retired guy Your story is pretty much my own. Chronic incest has a similar negative, life-altering impact on the victims. I realize what a total fantasy this is, but I wish that there was some kind of screening tool to assess a person's potential to be a good parent and that it was required to assess everyone no discrimination.
Those who believe that they want to become parents but who fail the test because they lack the capacity for empathy or because they have personality disorders or other mental illnesses, or because they are drug or alcohol abusers, etc. Those who genuinely do not wish to become a parent or who feel forced into marriage or forced into becoming a parent, would be allowed to make that choice to forgo parenthood.
Truly, I realize what a fantasy that is; many cultures and societies around the world still view females as property and view producing children as a requirement for a marriage to be considered valid.
We Do Do E.S.P.: The Life of a Woman in Turmoil: Howard Done: Books - dynipalo.tk An indepth read of peoples readiness to destroy a life that they do not understand , What life is like living under a black cloud and using E.S.P.. The truth of how.
An eye-opening and disturbing example of "household monitoring" is shown in the rarely seen Canadian documentary "The Trouble With Evan". Evan's mother and step-father agreed to have surveillance cameras placed in their home to record their interactions. Eleven year old Evan had been displaying increasingly frequent and severe conduct disorder behaviors, his younger sister is deaf, and his mother and stepfather's already troubled marriage and poor parenting decisions were being negatively impacted by Evan's behaviors, and vice-versa.
A very negative feedback loop. After this documentary was aired, the documentary-makers noted that both children were removed from the home by social services for their own safety. This surprised me, because the treatment my little Sister and I endured was much worse than this. Go figure. Annie, I certainly respect your idea. Unfortunately, abusers like my manipulative, church-going, Ivy-League educated mother from hell would have been able to fool or outsmart the screeners.
She was very good at "covering her tracks. And I was a little "liar" if I ever told anyone. But that's what abusers' victims always do. We do a pretty good job of beating ourselves up on our own, without our abusers' help. Information like this article from this outstanding website and other reputable, scholarly articles from the internet on child abuse and narcissistic mothers have helped me immensely. Just wish the internet had been around earlier in my life!
Right now I'm trying to overcome tremendous anger and inner rage about the fact that I surrendered completely to her brainwashing tactics. I'm that classic adult survivor of child abuse who carried a sense of emptiness and inability to put down roots for decades until I finally woke up recently. Her brainwashing hatred absolutely affected my self esteem, sexuality I felt totally unattractive - why would any man want ME? My heart goes out to you and all the other innocent victims of such perverted parents.
All I can say is that moving forward and living a well-rounded, happy life surrounded by genuine friends is the best revenge for us. I take two steps forward and one step backwards in this process, but thanks to the compassionate insight from amazing people like you, I'm motivated to keep moving positively.
I hope you will continue to speak out and continue being a strong role model for all of us who have been through the "hell on earth" of the dysfunctional family. I was reading the comments between the two of you and I know that yes, our upbringing DOES impact the relationships we choose or tolerate and can leave us confused as to what constitutes "abuse".
I was well aware that at times, my childhood was filled with chaos and turmoil. However, there were also many years that were filled with pretty good times, expectations for us kids to be responsible and accountable and learn skills for adulthood. I really thought my ex was a "sound" choice; he loved kids and animals, cared about his parents and relatives, had a job and it seemed, a fun-loving and responsible personality.
The comment about "covering tracks" I didn't dig below the surface or question those "little things" that came up. We moved miles away he went blind for a time to be close to his parents All of a sudden, I was living 40 miles from educational and job opportunities I did fairly well for years I wanted our children to be able to take some dance lessons From the outside, life looked good. But I didn't feel that way and, when my doctor prescribed n antidepressant, I went into therapy instead. That destroyed the facade and led to overt abuse not physical, oh no, nothing that would leave marks and lead to possible charges!
His brother helped him snatch our daughters when I tried to leave, to go to a friend's to work out differences. The one thing I've really gotten is those periods when there was a lot of yelling and chaos at home Particularly as the first employer I had would, on occasions, rage and yell in my presence I "knew" the person demonstrating that behavior had the "problem" but I didn't distinguish or even notice less overt problem signs.
I merely learned to wait for the storms to blow over, the "in-betweens" were "normal times". No relative had EVER thrown me out of my own home, robbed me blind, or in particular, set me up for a mis diagnosis of mental illness to hide their own atrocities BUT, the problems I did grow up with, and the fact that they were never addressed or responsibility taken, set me up for picking what I consider the "shortest straw". I had previously ended "relationships" where a person became physically abusive or started acting "crazy".
But this one lulled me in, encircled and imprisoned me and then, reared the ugly head of abuse and control. I feel terrible for what they've gone through and still continue to experience as most of his relatives are very invested in hiding the realities Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this post and the rest of the website is very good.
It's when people share their own experiences, starting rich and often brave conversations that articles like this really start to resonate. Annie did nail it. Very often, people end up trapped in a model of "closeness" or "family" that pulls them into bad or even dangerous dynamics. Part of the change process is learning a new model, altogether which can often feel like the terrifying unknown. Your writings help bridge the understanding between abuse victims and people who grew up in supportive, loving families. People raised in more stable settings have a hard time understanding the overwhelming dynamics of abuse patterns that form a "NORMAL" routine in dysfunctional families.
One of my new friends stressed to me recently, "Thankfully, you woke up.
It is now referred to as a place of the same people. This was incredibly timely and helpful for me. While Warden's right that legislation alone isn't the answer, reducing consequences to the perpetrator certainly isn't, either. I needed to see one about older women and younger men. Thanks for your comment, Gwen. But I think a couple with different interest and able to be together make a relationship even stronger. Am I wrong for wanting my children to know their fathers mom?
A lot of people never do. I woke up because I moved thousands of miles away to avoid a "family" of lifelong users and takers who could care less if I die in a ditch. They had no idea at the time just how bad it was since they lived in another state and only came for occasional visits. At least I recently had these vital friends and cousins to turn to after awakening. But what happens to abuse victims with NO support system?
I validate you and hear you. My life experiences have been somewhat similar, but my father was abusive in all ways as was my own mother. AND they decided to have ten kids total who most of them turned out to be just like them and the one who wasnt yep.. My sisters stole my money for college 10, settlement my parents pushed for from a minor accident that happened when i was 6 in philly and surgery for a severe health issue I could have died from. I was My mother had let my dads verbal, mental and physical violence to me go on for almost 13 years at that point, denying what she herself witnessed and blaming me for the effects it had on me.
She also refused to help me get into college she routinely screamed at me that i was worthless, stupid and ugly , or get surgery for the pain which was blinding, i coudnt get sleep or focus because of it. So, yeah I was in physical pain, no money, the opposite of support, so traumatized with no end in sight and after the forgery, my siblings turned violent on me they smoked weed a lot I begged my mom to take a stand and hold them accountable, paying me back the money they stole, or her helping me recover and get into college like a normal mother would, but she only tortured me more.
Biology as a ground for holding either males or females superior over the other has been criticized as invalid, such as by Andrea Dworkin  and by Robin Morgan. A criticism by Mansfield of choosing who governs according to gender or sex is that the best qualified people should be chosen, regardless of gender or sex. Diversity within a proposed community can, according to Becki L. Ross, make it especially challenging to complete forming the community.
Christine Stansell, a feminist, wrote that, for feminists to achieve state power, women must democratically cooperate with men. Herland, whether of virtuous matrons or daring sisters, is not an option Pursuing a future matriarchy would tend to risk sacrificing feminists' position in present social arrangements, and many feminists are not willing to take that chance, according to Eller. Some theologies and theocracies limit or forbid women from being in civil government or public leadership or forbid them from voting,  effectively criticizing and forbidding matriarchy.
Within none of the following religions is the respective view necessarily universally held:. Feminist thealogy , according to Eller, conceptualized humanity as beginning with "female-ruled or equalitarian societies",  until displaced by patriarchies,  and that in the millennial future " 'gynocentric,' life-loving values"  will return to prominence. Among criticisms is that a future matriarchy, according to Eller, as a reflection of spirituality, is conceived as ahistorical,  and thus may be unrealistic, unreachable, or even meaningless as a goal to secular feminists.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Social system in which females hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control. For the novel, see Gynecocracy novel. For other uses, see Matriarch disambiguation. Basic concepts. Case studies. Related articles. Circumscription theory Legal anthropology Left—right paradigm State formation Political economy in anthropology Network Analysis and Ethnographic Problems. Major theorists.
Adamson Hoebel Georges Balandier F. Carneiro Henri J. White Eric Wolf. Further information: list of matrilineal or matrilocal societies. This section needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed.
Women's suffrage Muslim countries US. First Second Third Fourth.
Variants general. Variants religious. By country. Lists and categories. Lists Articles Feminists by nationality Literature American feminist literature Feminist comic books. For groups and communities without men, see separatist feminism. Main articles: thealogy and Goddess movement. Sociology portal Politics portal Feminism portal Religion portal. It seems that they do not have the same desire to 'run' things as men, to use the word in another political sense that like the first includes standing out in front Women are partisan, like men; hence they are political, like men.
But not to the same degree.
They will readily sail into partisan conflict, but they are not so ready to take the lead and make themselves targets of partisan hostility though they do write provocative books. His wife and children There was no approved public forum for any kind of women's self-expression, not even in the arts and religion [perhaps except "priestesses"]. Meanwhile the male rules because of his greater authority". The very great majority of women would take a pass on the opportunity to be GI Jane.
In the NATO countries where women are allowed in combat units they form only 1 percent of the complement Woodhull offers herself in apparent good faith as a candidate, and perhaps she has a remote impression, or rather hope, that she may be elected, but it seems that she is rather in advance of her time. The public mind is not yet educated to the pitch of universal woman's rights" Beyond that stage he pauses, because there seems to him to be something which is unnatural in permitting her to share the turmoil, the excitement, the risks of competition for the glory of governing.
Worth: Harcourt Brace College Publishers, 8th ed. Archived from the original on April 19, Asian Journal of Women's Studies. Subscription may be required or content may be available in libraries. Chapter IV. Online Etymology Dictionary. The Classical Tradition. Cambridge: Harvard University Press. Merriam Merriam-Webster , , entry gynecocracy. Breaking up [at] totality: A rhetoric of laughter. Women's Studies International Forum. The Journal of Archaeomythology. Furthermore, the consensus among modern anthropologists and sociologists is that a strictly matriarchal society never existed.
Paragraph Suionibus Sithonum gentes continuantur, cetera similes uno differunt, quod femina dominatur: in tantum non modo a libertate, sed etiam a servitute degenerant. Hic Suebiae finis. Toronto: Royal Ontario Museum. I am chief of the men. But women, well! They just do what they themselves want".
Als Beitrag zur Emanzipation unserer Gesellschaft, bearbeitet und kommentiert von Monika Seifert Stuttgart: Dietz, 1st published , p. Retrieved February 21, New York Times. Retrieved September 10, Kelly, ed.
See also Poldervaart , p. XXV, , pp. Full names per Echols , pp. See also p. Roth, eds. CXL, no. Calvin, letter to William Cecil on or after January 29, probably , in Knox citing, at Preface , n. Sultana's Dream Digital. Retrieved January 19, Muller, Reformation and Renaissance Review. Adler, Margot . Bacchetta, Paola In Laurie L. Patton ed. Brammall, Kathryn M. The Sixteenth Century Journal. Castro, Ginette American Feminism: a Contemporary History. Translated by Elizabeth Loverde-Bagwell.
Women and Madness. Daly, Mary . Boston, MA: Beacon Press. Davis, Elizabeth Gould The First Sex. New York, NY: G. Putnam's Sons. Diner, Helen Edited and translated by John Philip Lundin. Donovan, Josephine Feminist Theory: The Intellectual Traditions 3rd ed. New York, NY: Continuum. Echols, Alice Eller, Cynthia History of Religions. Engels, Friedrich Der Ursprung der Familie, des Privateigenthums und des Staates. Im Anschluss an Lewis H.
Morgans Forschungen in German. Berlin: Dietz. Epstein, Barbara Farley, Tucker Women in Search of Utopia: Mavericks and Mythmakers. Freeman, Marsha Rich eds. Jewish Feminism in Israel.