turisticnakmetijaslemensek.si/sites/default/files/434/ratow-impossibile-attivare.html The later stanzas also deal with personal feelings but emphasise Wordsworth's appreciation for being able to experience the spiritual parts of the world and a desire to know what remains after the passion of childhood sensations are gone. Although this emphasis seems non-Christian, many of the poem's images are Judeo-Christian in origin.
The idea of pre-existence within the poem contains only a limited theological component, and Wordsworth later believed that the concept was "far too shadowy a notion to be recommended to faith. What is missing in Origen's platonic system is Wordsworth's emphasis on childhood, which could be found in the beliefs of the Cambridge Platonists and their works, including Henry Vaughan's "The Retreate". What concerns the narrator is that he is not being renewed like the animals and he is fearful over what he is missing.
This is similar to a fear that is provided at the beginning of The Prelude and in Tintern Abbey. As for the understanding of the soul contained within the poem, Wordsworth is more than Platonic in that he holds an Augustinian concept of mercy that leads to the progress of the soul. Wordsworth differs from Augustine in that Wordsworth seeks in the poem to separate himself from the theory of solipsism, the belief that nothing exists outside of the mind.
The soul, over time, exists in a world filled with the sublime before moving to the natural world, and the man moves from an egocentric world to a world with nature and then to a world with mankind. This system links nature with a renewal of the self. Ode: Intimations of Immortality is about childhood, but the poem doesn't completely focus on childhood or what was lost from childhood.
Instead, the ode, like The Prelude and Tintern Abbey , places an emphasis on how an adult develops from a child and how being absorbed in nature inspires a deeper connection to humanity. A Reader who has not a vivid recollection of these feelings having existed in his mind in childhood cannot understand the poem. In a letter to Isabella Fenwick, he explained his particular feelings about immortality that he held when young:  "I was often unable to think of external things as having external existence, and I communed with all that I saw as something not apart from, but inherent in, my own immaterial nature.
Like the two other poems, The Prelude and Tintern Abbey , the ode discusses Wordsworth's understanding of his own psychological development, but it is not a scientific study of the subject. He believed that it is difficult to understand the soul and emphasises the psychological basis of his visionary abilities, an idea found in the ode but in the form of a lamentation for the loss of vision.
To Wordsworth, vision is found in childhood but is lost later, and there are three types of people that lose their vision. The first are men corrupted through either an apathetic view of the visions or through meanness of mind. The second are the "common" people who lose their vision as a natural part of ageing. The last, the gifted, lose parts of their vision, and all three retain at least a limited ability to experience visions. Wordsworth sets up multiple stages, infancy, childhood, adolescence, and maturity as times of development but there is no real boundary between each stage.
To Wordsworth, infancy is when the "poetic spirit", the ability to experience visions, is first developed and is based on the infant learning about the world and bonding to nature. As the child goes through adolescence, he continues to bond with nature and this is slowly replaced by a love for humanity, a concept known as "One Life". This leads to the individual despairing and only being able to resist despair through imagination. The idea allows the narrator to claim that people are weighed down by the roles they play over time.
The narrator is also able to claim through the metaphor that people are disconnected from reality and see life as if in a dream. Wordsworth returns to the ideas found within the complete ode many times in his later works. There is also a strong connection between the ode and Wordsworth's Ode to Duty , completed at the same time in The poems describe Wordsworth's assessment of his poetry and contains reflections on conversations held between Wordsworth and Coleridge on poetry and philosophy.
The basis of the Ode to Duty states that love and happiness are important to life, but there is something else necessary to connect an individual to nature, affirming the narrator's loyalty to a benevolent divine presence in the world. However, Wordsworth was never satisfied with the result of Ode to Duty as he was with Ode: Intimations of Immortality. The argument and the ideas are similar to many of the statements in the ode along with those in The Prelude , Tintern Abbey , and "We Are Seven".
He would also return directly to the ode in his poem Composed upon an Evening of Extraordinary Splendor and Beauty where he evaluates his own evolving life and poetic works while discussing the loss of an early vision of the world's joys. In the Ode: Intimations of Immortality , Wordsworth concluded that he gives thanks that was able to gain even though he lost his vision of the joy in the world, but in the later work he tones down his emphasis on the gain and provides only a muted thanks for what remains of his ability to see the glory in the world.
Wordsworth's ode is a poem that describes how suffering allows for growth and an understanding of nature,  and this belief influenced the poetry of other Romantic poets. Wordsworth followed a Virgilian idea called lachrimae rerum , which means that "life is growth" but it implies that there is also loss within life.
To Wordsworth, the loss brought about enough to make up for what was taken. Shelley, in his Prometheus Unbound , describes a reality that would be the best that could be developed but always has the suffering, death, and change. John Keats developed an idea called "the Burden of the Mystery" that emphasizes the importance of suffering in the development of man and necessary for maturation. In Coleridge's theory, his poetic abilities were the basis for happiness and without them there would only be misery.
The ode praises children for being the "best Philosopher" "lover of truth" because they live in truth and have prophetic abilities. The omnipresent Spirit works equally in them, as in the child; and the child is equally unconscious of it as they. Richards, in his work Coleridge on Imagination , responds to Coleridge's claims by asking, "Why should Wordsworth deny that, in a much less degree, these attributes are equally suitable to a bee, or a dog, or a field of corn?
Later, Cleanth Brooks reanalyzes the argument to point out that Wordsworth would include the animals among the children. He also explains that the child is the "best philosopher" because of his understanding of the "eternal deep", which comes from enjoying the world through play: "They are playing with their little spades and sand-buckets along the beach on which the waves break.
If Wordsworth's weakness is incongruity, his strength is propriety. That Coleridge should tell us this at such length tells as much about Coleridge as about Wordsworth: reading the second volume of the Biographia , we learn not only Wordsworth's strong and weak points but also the qualities that most interest Coleridge. While modern critics believe that the poems published in Wordsworth's collection represented a productive and good period of his career, contemporary reviewers were split on the matter and many negative reviews cast doubts on his circle of poets known as the Lake Poets.
Many, with inferior abilities, have acquired a loftier seat on Parnassus, merely by attempting strains in which Mr. Southey, in an 8 December letter to Walter Scott, wrote, "There are certainly some pieces there which are good for nothing The Ode upon Pre-existence is a dark subject darkly handled.
Coleridge is the only man who could make such a subject luminous. Francis Jeffrey, a Whig lawyer and editor of the Edinburgh Review , originally favoured Wordsworth's poetry following the publication of Lyrical Ballads in but turned against the poet from onward. In response to Wordsworth's collection of poetry, Jeffrey contributed an anonymous review to the October Edinburgh Review that condemned Wordsworth's poetry again.
We can pretend to give no analysis or explanation of it;-- our readers must make what they can of the following extracts. He believed that Wordsworth's greatest weakness was portraying the low aspects of life in a lofty tone. Another semi-negative response to the poem followed on 4 January in the Eclectic Review. The writer, James Montgomery , attacked the collection of poems for depicting low subjects. When it came to the ode, Montgomery attacked the poem for depicting pre-existence.
Wordsworth himself is so frequently compelled to employ it, for the expression of thoughts which without it would be incommunicable. These volumes are distinguished by the same blemishes and beauties as were found in their predecessors, but in an inverse proportion: the defects of the poet, in this performance, being as much greater than his merits, as they were less in his former publication.
After our preliminary remarks on Mr. Wordsworth's theory of poetical language, and the quotations which we have given from these and his earlier compositions, it will be unnecessary to offer any further estimate or character of his genius. We shall only add one remark Of the pieces now published he has said nothing: most of them seem to have been written for no purpose at all, and certainly to no good one. Wordsworth often speaks in ecstatic strains of the pleasure of infancy. If we rightly understand him, he conjectures that the soul comes immediately from a world of pure felicity, when it is born into this troublous scene of care and vicissitude This brilliant allegory, for such we must regard it, is employed to illustrate the mournful truth, that looking back from middle age to the earliest period of remembrance we find, 'That there hath pass'd away a glory from the earth,' Such is Life ".
Though it was a review of his uncle's Remorse , he connects the intention and imagery found within Coleridge's poem to that in Ode: Intimation of Immortality and John Wilson's "To a Sleeping Child" when saying, "To an extension or rather a modification of this last mentioned principle [obedience to some internal feeling] may perhaps be attributed the beautiful tenet so strongly inculcated by them of the celestial purity of infancy. Wordsworth, in a passage which strikingly exemplifies the power of imaginative poetry".
In the review, he partially condemns Wordsworth's emphasis in the ode on children being connected to the divine: "His occasional lapses into childish and trivial allusion may be accounted for, from the same tendency. He is obscure, when he leaves out links in the chain of association, which the reader cannot easily supply In his descriptions of children this is particularly the case, because of his firm belief in a doctrine, more poetical perhaps, than either philosophical or christian, that 'Heaven lies about us in our infancy.
John Taylor Coleridge continues by explaining the negative aspects of such a concept: "Though the tenderness and beauty resulting from this opinion be to us a rich overpayment for the occasional strainings and refinements of sentiment to which it has given birth, it has yet often served to make the author ridiculous in common eyes, in that it has led him to state his own fairy dreams as the true interpretation and import of the looks and movements of children, as being even really in their minds.
Wordsworth, we should have said nothing; but we believe him to be one not willing to promulgate error, even in poetry, indeed it is manifest that he makes his poetry subservient to his philosophy; and this particular notion is so mixed up by him with others, in which it is impossible to suppose him otherwise than serious; that we are constrained to take it for his real and sober belief.
In the same year came responses to the ode by two Romantic writers. Leigh Hunt , a second-generation Romantic poet, added notes to his poem Feast of the Poets that respond to the ideas suggested in Wordsworth's poetry. These ideas include Wordsworth's promotion of a simple mental state without cravings for knowledge, and it is such an ideas that Hunt wanted to mock in his poem. However, Hunt did not disagree completely with Wordsworth's sentiments. Far be it also from me to hinder the communication of such thoughts to mankind, when they are not sunk beyond their proper depth, so as to make one dizzy in looking down to them.
Wordsworth's New Poems" in three parts, starting in the 21 August Examiner. Although Hazlitt treated Wordsworth's poetry fairly, he was critical of Wordsworth himself and he removed any positive statements about Wordsworth's person from a reprint of the essays. Wordsworth's poetry is to be found only in the subject and style: the sentiments are subtle and profound. In the latter respect, his poetry is as much above the common standard or capacity, as in the other it is below it We go along with him, while he is the subject of his own narrative, but we take leave of him when he makes pedlars and ploughmen his heroes and the interpreters of his sentiments.
In came two more responses by Romantic poets to the ode. Coleridge was impressed by the ode's themes, rhythm, and structure since he first heard the beginning stanzas in In his argument, he both defended his technique and explained: "Though the instances of this defect in Mr. Wordsworth's poems are so few, that for themselves it would have been scarce just to attract the reader's attention toward them; yet I have dwelt on it, and perhaps the more for this very reason.
For being so very few, they cannot sensibly detract from the reputation of an author, who is even characterized by the number of profound truths in his writings, which will stand the severest analysis; and yet few as they are, they are exactly those passages which his blind admirers would be most likely, and best able, to imitate. Another aspect Coleridge favoured was the poem's originality of thought and how it contained Wordsworth's understanding of nature and his own experience.
Coleridge also praised the lack of a rigorous structure within the poem and claimed that Wordsworth was able to truly capture the imagination. However, part of Coleridge's analysis of the poem and of the poet tend to describe his idealised version of positives and negative than an actual concrete object. Milnes, that John Keats, one of the second-generation Romantic poets, discussed the poem with him.
Following Coleridge's response was an anonymous review in the May Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine , possible by either John Lockhart and John Wilson together or just Lockhart on his own. Of Wordsworth's abilities as a poet in general, the review claimed: "Mr Wordsworth When discussing the poem, Talfourd declared that the ode "is, to our feelings, the noblest piece of lyric poetry in the world. It was the first poem of its author which we read, and never shall we forget the sensations which it excited within us.
We had heard the cold sneers attached to his name To have the best and most imperishable of intellectual treasures — the mighty world of reminiscences of the days of infancy — set before us in a new and holier light". William Blake, a Romantic poet and artist, thought that Wordsworth was at the same level as the poets Dante, Shakespeare, and Milton. In a diary entry for 27 December , H. Robinson recounted a conversation between himself and William Blake shortly before Blake's death: "I read to him Wordsworth's incomparable ode, which he heartily enjoyed.
But he repeated, 'I fear Wordsworth loves nature, and nature is the work of the Devil. The Devil is in us as 'far as we are nature. The parts of Wordsworth's ode which Blake most enjoyed were the most obscure—at all events, those which I least like and comprehend. In the third part, he critiqued Wordsworth's use of pre-existence within the poem and asked "unless our author means to say that, having existed from all eternity, we are of an eternal and indestructible essence; or, in other words, that being incarnate portion of the Deity But if the poet intends to affirm this, do you not perceive that he frustrates his own aim?
There appears to be a laborious toiling after originality, ending in a dismal want of harmony. The ode, like others of Wordsworth's poetry, was favoured by Victorians for its biographical aspects and the way Wordsworth approached feelings of despondency. The American Romantic poet Ralph Waldo Emerson , in his work English Traits , claimed that the poem "There are torpid places in his mind, there is something hard and sterile in his poetry, want of grace and variety, want of due catholicity and cosmopolitan scope: he had conformities to English politics and tradition; he had egotistic puerilities in the choice and treatment of his subjects; but let us say of him, that, alone in his time he treated the human mind well, and with an absolute trust.
His adherence to his poetic creed rested on real inspirations. For sustained splendor of imagination, deep, solemn, and progressive thought, and exquisite variety of music, that poem is unsurpassed. Since Milton's 'Ode upon the Nativity' there is nothing so fine, not forgetting Dryden, Pope, Collins, and the rest, who have written odes. The philosopher John Stuart Mill liked Wordsworth's ode and found it influential to the formation of his own thoughts. In his Autobiography , he credited Wordsworth's poetry as being able to relieve his mind and overcome a sense of apathy towards life.
Of the poems, he particularly emphasised both Wordsworth's collection of poetry and the Ode: Intimations of Immortality as providing the most help to him, and he specifically said of the ode: "I found that he too had had similar experience to mine; that he also had felt that the first freshness of youthful enjoyment of life was not lasting; but that he had sought for compensation, and found it, in the way in which he was now teaching me to find it. The result was that I gradually, but completely, emerged from my habitual depression, and was never again subject to it.
After quoting from the ode, Mason claimed of the poem: "These, and hundreds of other passages that might be quoted, show that Wordsworth possessed, in a very high degree indeed, the true primary quality of the poet—imagination; a surcharge of personality or vital spirit, perpetually overflowing among the objects of the otherwise conditioned universe, and refashioning them according to its pleasure.
After Mill, critics focused on the ode's status among Wordsworth's other poems. But the poet of 'Tintern Abbey' and the 'Ode on Intimations of Immortality' and the 'Prelude' is Wordsworth in his period of highest energy and imaginative light". However, he explains why he believed that the ode was not one of the best: "I have a warm admiration for Laodameia and for the great Ode ; but if I am to tell the very truth, I find Laodameia not wholly free from something artificial, and the great Ode not wholly free from something declamatory.
In general, we may say of these high instincts of early childhood The Victorian critic John Ruskin , towards the end of the 19th century, provided short analyses of various writers in his "Nature and Literature" essays collected in "Art and Life: a Ruskin Anthology". In speaking of Wordsworth, Ruskin claimed, "Wordsworth is simply a Westmoreland peasant, with considerably less shrewdness than most border Englishmen or Scotsmen inherit; and no sense of humor; but gifted The ode, to Ruskin, becomes a means to deride Wordsworth's intellect and faith when he claims that Wordsworth was "content with intimations of immortality such as may be in skipping of lambs, and laughter of children-incurious to see in the hands the print of the nails.
Ruskin on Wordsworth", stated, "We should hardly have expected Mr. Ruskin—a great master of irony though he be—to lay his finger so unerringly as he does on the weak point of Wordsworth's sublime ode on the 'Intimations of Immortality,' when he speaks of him—quite falsely, by the way—as 'content with intimations of immortality'". But any one to whom Wordsworth's great ode is the very core of that body of poetry which makes up the best part of his imaginative life, will be as much astonished to find Mr.
Ruskin speaking of it so blindly and unmeaningly as he does". The ode was viewed positively by the end of the century. George Saintsbury, in his A Short History of English Literature , declared the importance and greatness of the ode: "Perhaps twice only, in Tintern Abbey and in the Ode on the Intimations of Immortality , is the full, the perfect Wordsworth, with his half-pantheistic worship of nature, informed and chastened by an intense sense of human conduct, of reverence and almost of humbleness, displayed in the utmost poetic felicity.
And these two are accordingly among the great poems of the world. No unfavorable criticism on either — and there has been some, new and old, from persons in whom it is surprising, as well as from persons in whom it is natural — has hurt them, though it may have hurt the critics. They are, if not in every smallest detail, yet as wholes, invulnerable and imperishable.
They could not be better done. At the beginning of the 20th century, response to the ode by critics was mostly positive. Andrew Bradley declared in that "The Immortality Ode, like King Lear , is its author's greatest product, but not his best piece of work. Most of them have already been considered. However, one remains which, in the judgment of some critics, more than any other poem of the numerous creations of his genius, entitles him to a seat among the Immortals.
This is the celebrated [ode] It is, in some respects, one of his most important works, whether viewed from the stand point of mere art, or from that of poetic insight. Yet, when we look close, we find nothing unreal or unfinished. This beauty, though supernal, is not evanescent. It bides our return, and whoever comes to seek it as a little child will find it. The imagery, though changing at every turn, is fresh and simple.
The language, though connected with thoughts so serious that they impart to it a classic dignity, is natural and for the most part plain All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. Helen Keller. Tell your friend that in his death, a part of you dies and goes with him. Wherever he goes, you also go. He will not be alone. Jiddu Krishnamurti. Philip Pullman. As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.
Leonardo da Vinci Click to tweet. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Unknown Click to tweet. What a Ride! Hunter S. Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes.
Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation. What would life be worth if there were no death? Who would enjoy the sun if it never rained? Who would yearn for the day if there were no night? Glenn Ringtved. It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives. The act of dying is not of importance, it lasts so short a time.
Samuel Johnson. Death will never make sense to your mind. Only time and self-understanding will alleviate your suffering. Tennessee Williams. Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. Leo Tolstoy. Do not fear death so much but rather the inadequate life. Bertolt Brecht Click to tweet.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving. Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time. The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague.
Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? Edgar Allan Poe. A normal human being does not want the Kingdom of Heaven: he wants life on earth to continue. George Orwell. Everyone dies eventually, whether they have power or not. Mary Macbeth. Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which cannot exist when I do? Death never takes the wise man by surprise, he is always ready to go.
Jean de La Fontaine This is one of my favorite death quote. Death is a distant rumor to the young. Andrew A. Rooney Click to tweet. Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. Norman Cousins. Death is nothing, but to live defeated is to die every day. Napoleon Bonaparte Click to tweet.
Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. William Shakespeare Julius Caesar. Martin Luther King Jr. Malcolm X. Death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life.
Steve Jobs. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. Mark Twain. Albert Einstein. Stephen King. I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. Leonardo da Vinci. While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. Henry David Thoreau. If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die. Maya Angelou. Death is nothing else but going home to God, the bond of love will be unbroken for all eternity.
Mother Teresa. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Winston Churchill. Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. Mahatma Gandhi Click to tweet. Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities. George R. Martin Game of Thrones. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.
Tupac Shakur. It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. Marcus Aurelius. Jimi Hendrix. John Lennon. It is the secret of the world that all things subsist and do not die, but retire a little from sight and afterwards return again. Ralph Waldo Emerson. Death is no more than passing from one room into another. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.
Helen Keller Remember that Helen Keller was blind. Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn. For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. Kahlil Gibran. One liners, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds, tattoos, SMS, Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Tumblr, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, etc.
I want to be all used up when I die. George Bernard Shaw Click to tweet. Life has more meaning in the face of death. Robert Greene Click to tweet. Death takes no bribes. Benjamin Franklin. Everyone dies but not everyone lives. William Wallace Click to tweet. Even trees do not die without a groan. More short quotes You may also like: inspirational quotes motivational quotes happiness quotes love quotes life quotes.
Let life be beautiful like summer flowers and death like autumn leaves. Rabindranath Tagore Click to tweet. Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come. Rabindranath Tagore. By becoming deeply aware of our mortality, we intensify our experience of every aspect of life. Robert Greene. Death comes to all, but great achievements build a monument which shall endure until the sun grows cold. I wanted a perfect ending. Delicious ambiguity.
Gilda Radner. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Be as proud as you want: bore me later, because Love is sovereign here. Life never ends. Joy comes in the morning. Glory hallelujah. And let it be so. Anne Lamott. Those men who, in war, seek to preserve their lives at any rate commonly die with shame and ignominy, while those who look upon death as common to all, and unavoidable, and are only solicitous to die with honour, oftener arrive at old age and, while they live, live happier.
Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. William Saroyan. Part 1. Fyodor Dostoevsky. See also: positive quotes , beautiful quotes. Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.
John Muir. When we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings. Sogyal Rinpoche. Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are.
Miguel Angel Ruiz. Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names. Unknown Submitted by the Wisdom Quotes Community. When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. William Shakespeare Romeo and Juliet. The man who lives without conflict, who lives with beauty and love, is not frightened of death because to love is to die. Birth and death are the most singular events we experience — and the contemplation of death, as of birth, should be a thing of beauty, not ignobility.
Jacob K. Syrio Forel Games Of Thrones. Do not fear death. Death is always at our side. When we show fear, it jumps at us faster than light. But, if we do not show fear, it casts its eye upon us gently and then guides us into infinity. Laughing Bull. Death must be so beautiful. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow.
To forget time, to forget life, to be at peace. Oscar Wilde. Richard Bach. Woody Allen Click to tweet. Isaac Asimov. I have noticed that even those who assert that everything is predestined and that we can change nothing about it still look both ways before they cross the street. Stephen Hawking. I carry death in my left pocket. When you coming for me? Charles Bukowski. There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. Bill Bryson. Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Neither the sun, nor death can be looked at steadily. I still had few plans and was lonely, in or out of the few brief relationships I attempted. I never found someone that I felt safe with or had a true connection, let alone true love. She ended up not following through with the Navy and continued working her way up in her job at the call center. She attended community college and dated a few guys. She dated one guy for a couple of years who was not a good match for her but stayed with him off and on despite issues.
His family was wealthy and treated her well. He slept around on her as did she. At one point he gave her an STD. She also had an ongoing affair with a married man in the military that she went to high school with. He had a child and a wife with mental health issues. She was still hurting a lot at times and not always doing well. We emailed back and forth a couple times over the next few months. We talked about meeting up. We spoke on the phone and eventually met up in Portland.
We had an amazing night getting to know each other again and work past the confusion of our earlier days of friendship. I realized that she did in fact like me before but since I was timid and trying to be proper and take things slowly she didn't understand my motives. She apologized for her actions at the party as well. She claimed she was in a really messed up place and was making bad choices at that time. Getting our feelings out in the open was good and she appreciated my attitude towards being slow to make moves on her when we first met.
I was worried about falling for her based on our history but eventually I was determined to give it a shot. We soon after starting dating and being intimate. Our love was extremely powerful and beyond all others we had both experienced. She broke ties with other suitors and shortly after we talked about marriage and started planning a wedding for the next year. I remember when we first held hands. We were so shakey and she was quivering on my couch as I had my arm around her.
We felt so safe with each other. We could finally be ourselves and do what our hearts desired. We knew we were on to something new and so amazing. We were so patient with each other as we navigated our new love and emotional thresholds. I remember when we saw Matisyahu in concert together. That was a once in a lifetime experience and a life-changing moment for us.
I feel it set the tone for things to come in our future. I remember how creative my proposal to her was, in the Arcade where we first met. I hid the ring in a prize container from one of those claw machines. Pretending I got the ring from inside by reaching into the machine on one knee I was so nervous and wasn't sure if I could pull it off before she caught on. She looked so shocked and surprised. I was so excited she said yes!
We took pictures in the photo machine and had burgers afterwards, I'd do all of it all over again just to see her face in that moment. I moved in while she was still living back with her parents until the wedding. She had to change her number because the married man she was previously involved with kept calling her about changing her mind about marriage and continuing their relationship. She was offered a job in Denver and we decided to move away together after our sandy wedding in Cannon Beach. I still had a very hard time and was embarrassed with my past history with her. Many of my friends knew what had happened at 19 and how much it hurt me but I was so crazy about her I think I tried to pretend it didn't happen or that it was not a big deal because we were younger.
We got married and moved to Colorado soon after. We made friends at a church, I became more active as a Christian and really loved being married. We were very involved in keeping spirituality in our marriage. I began to notice her poor financial decisions and practices more. This caused conflict but we always tried to communicate and work on things. I remember when we went down to my folks for New Year's in We sipped tea in my Datsun as we drove to the coast over the snowy mountain pass. We told them of our engagement. We were all so blissful and excited. We never knew what was to come.
We didn't even know about the opportunity in Denver yet. Our story is amazing! I remember when I wanted to go see her in Portland and the roads were iced over. I left my car at a park and ride before I caused a wreck. I took the light rail across town then rode a bus to the Eastside shopping mall. The bus to her house was not running because it wasn't safe so I walked the rest of the 4 Miles sometimes having to crawl on my hands and knees to make it up hills in the ice and then I finally made it only to just spend a couple hours with her and fall asleep on her parents couch.
Her Dad drove us back the next morning to my car so I could get to work. It was all worth it just to see her for that little extra time. I would have done anything for her. I remember when she was interviewing for the new position in Denver? I drove all over Portland trying to find little toy cars to help with her illustration about how a team is like a car having all four wheels and how they work together to accomplish a goal. I was so proud of her for giving it her all and succeeding at earning that position.
Now that I think of it, that car analogy applies to our family and us. We all need each other to be better and keep on track and be a team. I am so motivated by that and our boys. I lose my way without that and I want to be her reflection and motivation as she has been that for me. I truly thought we brought out the best in each other when we were together. I remember when we were given tickets to see Fiona Apple. That was so spontaneous and a great way to kick off our time in Denver together. We always used to watch our same movies over and over again.
We walked everywhere and lived simply. We put a board over the top and played cards. I liked playing Uno with her in bed too. She was so funny being slightly color blind and in the dark, mixing up the greens and blues. We played Uno in Breckenridge too at that cool bed and breakfast in the fall. She was doing well as a trainer for the bank and I started working in health foods.
We went camping in New Mexico a couple times with friends and we both took individual trips to Oregon as well as one together for her uncle's wedding. We had marital spats on occasion but always bounced back. The issues we had seemed like part of a normal marriage and were far better than what I had grown up around. I realized that marriage was a lot of work but I was up for the task. She occasionally became aggressive throwing things at me or breaking things during conflict.
I believed I was the problem and tried to change for her in many ways. With two incomes we still had trouble making our bills at times. She had debts that I never knew about that started to catch up with us but I took care of getting them settled and we paid off her car and traded it for an older Volvo Wagon that we both loved, I even had it repainted her favorite color for a birthday gift.
Overall things seemed like they were progressing in a positive way.
I remember when we saw Midnight in concert in Boulder. That was the peak of our hippy days. We were alive with pleasure in our healthy vegetarian diets and practices living in a time and place like no other. I want to be like that again. Reggae was our music. We had much in common. Things seemed very balanced and appropriate for us at that time and that age We had separate bank accounts and jobs. I had money in savings. We started the process of buying a house so we could invest in something.
She became pregnant shortly after. I embraced the challenge with positive energy but we were both in for a big change. We started having more fights. I didn't have many friends and would write to old friends via social media just so I could to catch up and tell them things were going great with being married to make myself feel better than I actually did.
She hated the dawn of social media and also felt isolated I'm sure. She felt I should be doing more for her and I didn't know how to do what she needed but I failed to ask a lot of the time. After one argument, she left the house. I had not done this much once we were married because she always met my needs but when things were difficult between us I felt more emotionally isolated. She walked in and realized what I had been doing. She was very upset, and because she was pregnant, thought I was not attracted to her.
I mostly fantasized about how these women were more submissive and loving than her. That is the part I needed to feel good about and feel better about myself with because I felt very dominated and controlled. She has never forgiven me for this and I will never stop feeling sorry to her for my brokenness.
During one particular argument that year she was getting close to being violent towards me again and I pushed her away on the chest with my fingertips. She got very mad and said I hurt her. I immediately felt terrible and apologized. I never let something like that happen again.
I have always avoided violence towards others especially women and of course her. I was defenseless against physical and emotional abuse. We wanted a natural birth with a midwife but we were transferred to a hospital and she ended up having an emergency C-section, nothing went as planned.
We had a really hard time coping with the emotions of this experience. A lot of buried feelings and trauma from both of us started coming out. We moved a month later into our new home outside of town. No more walking or biking to places, we had to drive everywhere. This house was next to our friends from church. They were upset that they didn't have a child of their own yet and being around us might have been hard for them.
The death poem is a genre of poetry that developed in the literary traditions of East Asian . My sole thought shall be [the future of] the Imperial Land. . My steadfast heart toward Lord, could it ever fade away? Though the book translates these lines as one poem, they in fact are three poems in waka form as shown in this. Her poems centering on death and religion can be divided into four categories: . are made vividly real by the force of the metaphors "narrow time" and "jostled souls. . Unlike household things, heart and love are not put away temporarily.
My wife stopped working and stayed home with our son. All these changes made for a very difficult time. I did my best to support them but this was the first time we shared a bank account and needed to follow a budget more than ever before. My job could barely keep up. She and I had a hard time adjusting. We could not afford to travel home to Oregon and visit family as much and we felt more and more isolated.
She started showing me more signs of instability, locking herself in the bathroom with kitchen knives and scraping her legs which continued off and on for years to come. Talks of divorce and suicide threats seemed to happen more than before. I felt responsible and tried to fix her ever changing issues with me. It is so beautiful the way she could feed our babies.
I wanted her in every way, our bodies belonged to each other. I was there for her and our shared pleasure. I loved it when she told me that she was mine in the heat of passion. This spark could only be a bandage for so long but I didn't know that yet. I felt worried about our future. I had always thought the military might be a good opportunity and could move us closer to family back home. My father-in-law encouraged me to look into the Coast Guard. I felt this would be a good way to get moved closer to Oregon.
I ended up joining the Navy because we found out we were pregnant again with our second son and that was the only way I could join a military branch.
I loved her and wanted to be supportive. The Victorian critic John Ruskin , towards the end of the 19th century, provided short analyses of various writers in his "Nature and Literature" essays collected in "Art and Life: a Ruskin Anthology". Ascari and A. Leonard Cohen In , Wordsworth wrote many poems that dealt with his youth. Shelley also encouraged Byron to begin an epic poem on a contemporary subject, advice that resulted in Byron's composition of Don Juan. You once kicked Elanor in the leg, she died of heart failure later.
She worked off and on as a nanny and later in the year at a coffee house working nights. We barely spent time together and when we did it was a lot of hard conversations or arguments about finances with making up intimately in the middle of the night between times of caring for the baby.
She once scratched my neck with her fingernails during an argument. People I worked with noticed. It was a hard time and we knew change was on the horizon with jobs and moving. We did visit Oregon that summer though and had a great vacation at the beach with a borrowed 4x4 and staying at a hotel and picnicking out of a cooler as well as going to her brothers wedding. I was 26 and about to join the Navy to provide better for my family at all costs sacrificing myself for their benefit because I would have rather died than look like I didn't try my best for them.
I remember when our babies would kick and move around inside her belly. I loved laying by her and feeling her tummy. I would hum to the baby and hear them move and squirm. I loved giving our boys baths when they were babies too. We had our little bundles of our love, wrapped in a towel in our hands, so tiny and vulnerable.
I miss those days and want to remember them with her, aside from this state of melancholy. We moved to a furnished apartment in Denver and put our things in storage. She was 5 months pregnant and our eldest was two. I shortly after was let go from my job. Our second son was born in April. I got a contract with the Navy at the last minute but didn't leave until August. We sold our beloved vehicles and lived off retirement funds for six months and moved down to Florida where her parents had just moved out of the blue for work, to stay with them until I left for boot camp.
I applied for temporary work in Florida at a dozen places but had no luck in my three months there.
I took care of our eldest a lot while she took care of the new baby. Being in Florida was a culture shock for us but we had our moments of romance and made the best of it. Eventually I left for boot camp in August. It was really hard and sad to be gone. She stayed in Florida and came to visit me with the baby at boot camp graduation in October. I then went to Connecticut for five months of training. It was also hard but at least I could call home every day and be in the same time zone. I visited Florida during the winter break and saw my boys and her. We went to Disney world and had a great time on her parents.
We also made a romantic home movie I could enjoy while away from her. I flew back to Connecticut and tried to make the best of things. My roommate was very abusive of substances and I resisted the temptation for a long time but the threat of being submarine service bound and missing my family pushed me to drinking every weekend and getting messed up to escape before I left.
I remember when we drove to Key Largo, Florida and stopped at a crazy bird wildlife center. I remember our oldest was so amazed hearing a bird say hello back to us. It was so foreign and fun there. I am glad we all shared that experience together. I remember our trip to the citrus grove in Florida. That was such a great day for our family. I always look back on that with really fond sentiment. I felt like I was in a beautiful family music video with them. The plan was all coming together.
I arrived first and bought a car and got our items moved from storage in Denver to our townhouse rental in Washington. She and the boys joined me a month later. I didn't report to my Sub for another month as they were at sea. She became pregnant again with our third son right after arriving. We had just bought a small car and were not planning on another child. Towards the end of the year I was working a lot and having a really hard time, being bullied and treated poorly at work plus our financial situation was still very difficult. Adjusting to the military was hard among younger men being I dreaded each day in that environment but I tried to endure it for my family.
I went to sea for a couple months at the end of the year stopping in Hawaii and California. During this time She reached out to her ex married affair partner after six years of no contact. She didn't tell me until later. She said she needed closure with him, we were not in counseling yet but she decided this was appropriate.
I flew home early from sea and wanted to surprise her. The stress and trauma of this quick transition home after being to sea for the first time which was also traumatic made me want to drink and get messed up before flying. I got to be home for two months almost work free while we celebrated the holidays and prepared for the new baby to be born. She started getting more involved with a church and building a community for us which was great.
Our financial struggles almost led us to foreclosure of our home back in Colorado but by the grace of God we got it sold with a short sale just in time. I remember when I came back from Hawaii and brought her a beaded necklace and she wore it naked with her big beautiful pregnant goddess belly and we made passionate hippy love together. I want to grow out my beard again and spend my life making hippy love and feeling free again. It was a very positive birth experience and much less stressful than the other two.
Shortly after I flew out to finish the other half of the deployment I had missed. I really focused on being positive and spiritually connected by reading my Bible at sea which was helpful. I called her when I arrived in Japan halfway through being gone. She was upset because she tested positive for an STD while trying to get on birth control. I became suspicious of her yet she was suspicious of me. We both got tested again and I was clean, she told me she had a false positive after all.
This put a big strain on our trust, especially being so far away. This forced us to be honest with each other about some things such as her contact with her ex lover and my drinking to cope. We were both very upset until I returned home and we could start some counseling to work through things.
Forgiveness seemed to be difficult for us. It brought up hurts of the past when we were She also had severe postpartum depression that became worse after each birth. I was still having a hard time with work and the submarine environment. Our church friends tried to counsel us but it was not the most helpful. My submarine was scheduled for extended repairs and not going to sea for three years, I would be transferred before the end of that period.
I used this time to bond with her and my boys. I wanted to get better involved in our community and do volunteer work and side jobs to earn extra money. Our boys were all given diagnosis's for autism which begun to fill our lives with appointments and challenges for years to come but we were a good team in dealing with all of it. It gave us something to work together on but took our focus away from working on our own personal issues and relationship with each other as much as we should have.
It looked like it was going to be a great year until her Grandpa passed away suddenly.