source And others may disappoint you and be unable to provide what you need. One strategy may be to cast a big net and ferret out the friends who will be your best support.
Another may be to try to reach out to one at a time and test the waters by sharing a little to evaluate the response before you dive in. Some couples feel a greater level of comfort at the beginning of their fertility journey and share their experiences openly. They may feel that it will be a short process and find it easy to include many as they share information.
But as the struggle becomes longer, they may pull back and not have the same energy to manage the information or others reactions to it in the same manner. But once they realize the journey is becoming long, they reach out for support because the emotional burden is too much to carry alone. When to involve friends and family is a very personal decision and depends upon your nature and the relationship and nature of those with whom you are sharing.
Finding the balance between sharing enough to have support and not so much you feel out of control of the flow of information is the key to getting the most out of support from others.
Understand that many families have never before experienced infertility and have no idea how it is treated or how they can help someone who faces it. Family members and friends require education. Provide books, magazines, and helpful websites. The more they know, the more helpful they can be. And once they have a general idea of what you are going through, communicate your story, what you need, and how you need it. Sometimes making a list of what you need is a good exercise for yourself and something to share in writing with others.
If you fail to communicate your needs, your infertility can become a no-win situation for your friends and family. What you need may change from time to time. Continuing to communicate your needs over time can only insure that those around you have the best chance of success at supporting you as you need them to.
And if communicating directly is too emotionally difficult, have someone else communicate for you—let your husband share your news of loss if it becomes too difficult while you are going through it.
No matter how much we try to educate, inform or share, there are still going to be those who do not understand infertility or how profoundly our lives are affected by it. This is one of the many losses experienced through the infertility process. For those who cannot understand, patience and forgiveness of them goes a long way. As long as they do not add to your stress and can find a way to at least accept what you are sharing, you will just have to create your support system to include a primary group of people whom you feel do understand and can provide the support you need.
Guiding friends and family to be the best support to you may sometimes mean educating them about what is helpful and what is not helpful to say or do. So often, our support people intend to be helpful in their responses to our struggles and losses but inadvertently hurt us with their words or actions.
Below is a sampling of what many say:. My sister…. What and how much to share of your own experience is a very personal decision.
There are so many facets of infertility that leave couples feeling out of control. The more you can control the information you share, the better you will feel as your process continues. Sometimes what to share and how much to share is a process learned over time through trial and error.
However, if there is ever information that you do not want a child knowing in the future, it is better to keep those details private and confidential. Formal support groups and peer support groups, such as RESOLVE, create an environment to be with other people saying the same things you say, feeling the same things you are feeling, and experiencing friends and family responding the same way as yours. It is important to remember that your fertility journey is a temporary one.
Along the way, you may be surprised to find that some friends and family members become closer to you as you look to them for support, and some become more distant. In the end, you will resume your social life and become a part of it again. Your distance and caution with whom you let in will once again be replaced with a more spontaneous social existence.
I feel your pain about the situation you are going through. I have a 3 yearold daughter who was conceived the first month I came off the pill God intervened and had the placenta in a very unusual place which kept Sam from pushing through the rupture!! Good luck n may Hashem be w you all n grant u all your desired holy wishes. On this day, last year, we had one egg put in,
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