An important aspect of prevention is planning.
Help them understand that they are responsible for what they post. Catch them being good. And if you do have a child who loves one particular green vegetable, it's fine to have that one turn up over and over again. Also the task is finished as soon as your child completes the step. When I adjust my expectations of her behavior instead of punishing her, things go more smoothly.
Don't go grocery shopping with your toddler during a time he normally rests. Do not abruptly interrupt play or other activities and expect your child to cooperatively and quickly get ready to leave so you can try to be on time for your appointment. Your lack of planning and foresight will only confuse them about their own behavior. Also, be proactive. If there are specific shows or channels you don't want your child watching, set parental codes on your TV. The same can be done on computers and mobile devices.
Being proactive prevents most arguments and negotiating, allowing you to spend more quality time with your child, instead of putting out fires all day long. Here are a few more tips to embrace the prevention attitude:. And sometimes, you just need to walk away and let another adult handle the situation to prevent it from escalating. I will never forget my first experience with a child who had a behavioral disorder.
He wasn't able to lie down on a cot and rest. He spent rest time at a table usually working on jigsaw puzzles he was a puzzle machine! However, rest time is also used to give staff breaks and when teachers do most of their planning. This child would constantly interrupt me while talking with parents or other staff. Eventually the other teachers and I decided that I should take my break at the beginning of rest time while the other teachers helped the children who wanted to rest.
Then when I returned provided he had behaved while I was gone I would spend about minutes with him working on a puzzle or playing a quiet game of Uno. As a parent, you need to seek out a similar support system, so you can periodically step away from a situation and let another responsible adult the other parent, grand parent, nanny, baby sitter etc. Time-ins are similar to a "time out" in the sense they both remove the child from a situation thats causing them distress or harm. However, instead of sitting students down at an empty table alone, feeling bad about themselves, I created several spaces in my classroom where a child could go when feelings became so overwhelming they were interfering with the problem-solving process.
These areas were private, cozy spaces in the nooks and crannies of my classroom that included soft, over-sized pillows, a class photo album, a small selection of books and quiet objects such as sensory or calming jars , Magna-doodle-esque boards, and boxes sorted by themes of quiet, calming activities like magna-tiles or puppets. Same as a time-out, a time-in should only last one minute per year of life unless the child chooses to stay longer.
When the time is up I ask the child if he knows why he had to be separated from the group, then I help him think of better ways he could have solved the problem instead. At home I have a similar space in my living room. Taking the time to be alone and participate in a quiet activity allows the children to calm down without feeling guilty or punished. It de-escalates the situation. So there you have it: classroom discipline secrets that are as effective at home. The above methods and examples help meet a child's basic needs, provide opportunities for learning and development, and improve competence and confidence.
Negative methods of reinforcement technically called "positive punishment" , such as spanking or time-outs, only work at first because of their shock value, and over time it become less effective.
As you try them out, keep in mind that behavior doesn't change overnight. Teachers like me work with scores of children on a daily basis. And still, discipline is something that takes us years of studying, practicing, and reflecting to get a handle on.
As parents, it can be a lot more difficult. Give yourself a lot of grace. Get support; allow your partner, family and friends to pitch in and always remember to take time out to recharge your batteries. Stephanie Byrne-Biancardi taught early childhood education in urban communities in and around Boston for 14 years before deciding to stay home after her 4th child. She keeps up with all things Early Ed. Image adapted from Anna Kukushkina Shutterstock. Want to see your work on Lifehacker? Kids want good A-grade attention from parents.
Make sure you spend 1-on-1 time with kids each day, and get better at catching them doing the right thing. Effective parents have a big repertoire of strategies to use when kids misbehave, rather than rely on one or two techniques to improve behaviour.
Build your repertoire of tools and language to promote better behaviour and get cooperation from kids. Share This. Meet our Experts. Related Resources. Read More. Go back to acknowledging her feelings and helping her work through her upset:. Right now, it's hard to remember that sometimes you feel good about him, and that you could get back to that good place It sounds like maybe you have something you need to tell your brother Once she's on the road to feeling calmer, try again.
If she still resists, leave the repair up to her: "I know you're still feeling upset at your brother, and I understand why I know when you feel better, you'll think of the perfect way to reconnect with him and make things better.
You'll be amazed that your child will actually try to make reparations, once your family has a clear expectation that that's what everyone does -- and once she doesn't feel pushed into it. Teaching your child the important lessons in life takes a whole lot of listening as well as talking. You've probably noticed that lectures don't work.
Teachable moments are only teachable if the student is ready to learn. So practice sharing your observations and "wondering aloud" to help your child reflect on why he's acting as he is, and also on the results of his actions.
I get anxious when I hear shouting, and I can't drive safely. I wonder if there's another way to let me know, when you get super-worried like that? I wonder whether there's anything you can do to help him feel safe and have fun? The good news is that your brain is like a muscle, and if you exercise it, you can learn anything and get smarter.
Want me to help you learn your words for next week? Look at everything your child has learned!
Don't those sound like the lessons you really want to teach? Loading Posts It is such high quality material, and you go into enough detail to be really helpful. You've helped me so much in my parenting. It works. And the more rest I get, the more patience I have. It makes a difference. Laura's advice on empathizing with your child definitely dissipates the conflict. It really, really works. Try for one day, then just one more day. Parenting helps you create a more peaceful home - and happy, responsible, considerate kids! Learn more about the Aha!
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